Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Self-Sabotage, It's a Fine Art

Writer or not, it doesn’t matter. We’ve all got this one really cool thing we love to do. Maybe it’s photography, painting, crafting, scrapbooking, coin collecting, etc. Or a sport like baseball, tennis or, yes I’m going to include it even though every ounce of my being is screaming not to, golf. (We’ll get back to this one)

Whatever it is makes us happy, gives us a sense of self-worth or belonging. It’s something we can share with others who love the same thing. So we make friends along the way. But the downside is it takes you away from your family, your job, your responsibilities. So, we end up feeling guilty about wanting to spend time on it. That makes us unhappy. And if we’re honest about it, everyone around us suffers right along with us.

There is a solution. One I’m still working to perfect. The main thing is to find a routine that works and keeps everyone happy. Organization plays a huge part and scheduling is a must.  This is the toughest part for me, but slowly I'm managing to put everything down on a calendar and then stick to it.

Here's the biggest myth I learned about my own self-sabotaging.

I’ll just take care of everything else first. – This only made me tired and frustrated. At the end of the day, I had a clean house, organized closets and drawers, happy hubby and kids due to the meals I scheduled for the entire week, and a weedless garden.

The only thing missing—my sanity. I wasn’t spending any time doing what I love and my attitude stunk. Not to mention the mounting self-doubt. I started thinking maybe I should just quit writing all together. I’ll be honest. The mere idea of quitting had me depressed, not wanting to spend time with anyone or do anything at all.

Let’s face it. There will always be something that needs tending to, something to fold, a call to return, a bill to pay, a kid to run here or there. It’s a never ending cycle. Life has a pesky way of getting in the way, doesn’t it?

So what’s the answer to this one?

I won’t pretend like I’ve found a magical secret. But I have learned it’s okay to let things slide occasionally and have a life outside my family. I can share part of my day with good friends and still be able to spend quality time with the most special people in my life too.  Heck and even get a few of those unending chores done along the way.

How do I do it? It means I’m getting up a little bit earlier and going to bed a little bit later. For right now, it’s working. It's not easy since I love my sleep.  But this is allowing me to be more productive with my writing and it feels so good.  I’m keeping up with most of the daily chores and even asking the kids and hubby to pitch in and help out a little more. This doesn't mean I'm a failure. Heck no! After all. We are a team. :)

No more excuses or blaming others.

No more self-sabotage! (Repeat this every time you try to make an excuse and go do something else. I think my record is 67 times in one day so far. LOL But it works like a charm!)

Onward and Upward!

Who’s with Me? :)

(Oh, yeah.  The golf thing. LOL  Still trying to get hubby to work on that one.  It's his one thing he loves to do.  Need I say more?)


Amusing Muses said...

Melissa, I love reading your blogs.
I would say nurture your talent. Your family will ultimately be happy and you will be fulfilled.
The grunge work and bill etc. will always exist but the writing fulfillment that you will recieve will be priceless.
Write, Melissa and we will read.


Anonymous said...

The best thing you can do for your husband and children is to be fulfilled and happy. If you continually deny yourelf the time it takes to take care of you emotionally, creatively, spiritually etc., there's nothing in there to fill the well of Melissa- without that full well, you diminish yourself as a human and have less to give others. All that being said (I'm preaching to myself too!) it's hard to take control like that when our DNA is to be the helper, the supporter/nurturer. I'm focusing on my writing and it has made me feel so much more productive and I think I'm getting more done all the way around.

Anonymous said...

GREAT post, Missy.

I've been grappling with the idea of getting up earlier than 6 to get everything done. And like you, I feel like I have to have all the other responsibilities handled first before I can sit down to write. It's frustrating, but a balance must be made.

thanks for the post. I don't feel so alone. :-)

Melissa said...

Always love your comments, Marie! Thank you! :)

Melissa said...

Stacey and Jenn! I couldn't do this without you! Thanks for your support. It really does make a difference to know we are not alone. :)

Jennifer said...

Sure, your family and friends all want you to be happy, but do it your way and you'll hear about it.

Sometimes I want to ask, what does it matter if I want to spend the day reading or knit endless afghans (I can't actually do that)? Will the world come to a screeching halt if I don't lose weight or have an organized closet?

And now I must go feed the kitty, as it will be the apocalypse if i don't.

Melissa said...

LOL Jennifer!! So true! So true!:)
I'm thinking about buying earplugs. Oh, wait...then I can't listen to my I-Pod. Grrr... There must be an answer. LOL

jeff7salter said...

I think balance is the key.
I spent a lot of years with things out of balance --- too much of my emphasis on THIS and too little on THAT.
In your description of those previous times, it seems as though your life left OUT any time/space for YOU. No balance in that.

Nelson said...

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Thanks for sharing!

Linda said...

Thanks for this commentary. I can really relate! Also, thanks for the follow. I am following you now too!



Melissa said...

Hi, Jeff! You are so right. Balance is the key. I still forget where I place the darn balance key sometimes though. LOL Thanks for visiting!! ;)

Melissa said...

Hello, Nelson! Thank you! I'm off to visit you blog. :)

Melissa said...

Thank you so much, Linda! It helps so much to know that I'm not alone in all this craziness!